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Book list and Websites

How to Survive being Married to a Catholic

By Michael Hennessy, Rosemary Gallagher (available at the Pre-Marriage Office)      RRP  $ 12.50

This is a book either for someone who is planning to marry a Catholic or for someone who is already married
to one, to help them understand the way Catholics think about themselves and the world around them. It
contains information about what Catholics believe in their faith and about marriage and family life. Catholic
terms are explained simply. It is clearly written with humour, lots of illustrations and cartoons. Several of the
chapters are structured in a simple question and answer form. There is also a useful set of addresses at the
end for organisations offering specialist advice and support about the Catholic faith or family related issues.

 

The Five Love Languages  

By Gary Chapman   Northfield Publishing   (available at Bennetts Bookstore)                 RRP $ 31

Human beings have different ways ofexpressing love. Gary Chapman identifies five basic ways of
expressing love: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Giving Gifts and Physical Touch. If you
and your spouse don’t realise this, then disappointment and troubles may not be far away. It can be in simple
things like one of you needing to be told you’re loved, while not seeming important to the other, who therefore
never does it. Just imagine how your relationship could be transformed if you began to realise what really
speaks to your loved one’s heart! Although this is written from a Christian viewpoint there is plenty of food for
thought for anyone who wants to put their spouse first.

 

The Good Marriage: How and why Love lasts

By Judith Wallerstein   Warner Books     www.warnerbooks.com                        RRP $ 35

This book is based on “interviews with 50 couples who are still together, and still consider themselves happy
after years of marriage. Most of the book is concerned with defining the four types of marriages (romantic,
rescue, compassionate and traditional) that Wallerstein discovered through her interviews… The rest of the
book outlines nine developmental tasks—derived from Wallerstein’s practise (as clinical psychologist) as
well as interviews—that couples need to accomplish if their marriage is to be a happy one.”

 

The Sixty Minute Marriage

By Rob Parsons  Hodder & Stoughton                                                                RRP  $ 25

Aimed at people of all ages or stages of marriage, in sixty minutes of humour and honesty the author looks at
some simple issues and how they can be faced with straightforward and down to earth advice. Ten goals are
offered to strengthen your marriage and each is followed either by a short action page or sixty seconds of
helpful quotes and advice. Topics covered include communication, making time, conflict, parenting, debt and
lovemaking.

 

Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, How can you Make Yours Last

By John Gottman     Bloomsbury (available at Bennetts Bookstore)                                    RRP $ 35

The author reminds us that the little things in our relationship are important. Sharing our hopes, dreams and
fears can help, and the way we argue can make a difference.  Psychologist John Gottman has spent 20 years
studying what makes a marriage last. Now you  can use his tested methods to evaluate, strengthen and
maintain your own long-term relationship.
Dr Gottman tells you how to recognize attitudes that doom a marriage – contempt, criticism, defensiveness
and stonewalling – and provides practical exercises, quizzes, tips and techniques that will help you to
understand and make the most of your relationship.

 

Intended for pleasure

By Ed Wheat, Gay Wheat         Scripture Union                                                    RRP $ 35

Intended for pleasure is an easy to read reference book that has been revised and expanded in its third edition. Ed and Gaye Wheat, along with their medical associate Dow Pursley, combine biblical teaching on love and marriage with the latest medical information on sex and sexuality. Intended for pleasure gently encourages the couple to make their sexual relationship the fulfilling experience it was meant to be. This is a complete sex manual for practising Christians with basic facts, illustrations and candid discussion of all facets of human sexuality. Intended for pleasure is highly recommended for newlyweds.

 

Everything a Bloke needs to know about Marriage

By Peter Downey                                                                 www.peterdowney.com

This practical and funny book will help any groom prepare for the wedding circus and greatly improve his chances at seeing a tenth wedding anniversary by cutting through romantic stereotypes. It explores all sorts of wedding and marital hazards, including: - popping the question – being engaged – coping with in-laws – making the big announcement – budgeting – three-tiered wedding cakes – wedding traditions – the vortex – writing vows – organising a reception – the honeymoon – cutting the guestlist – invitations – Buck’s night survival strategies – Murphy’s Law – putting the bin out – resolving conflict – staying faithful – doing the washing up – having children – arguing with dignity – chopping carrots – love – mowing the lawn – marriage maintenance – and what would a marriage book be without lots of stuff about sex.

 

Web Sites

www.2-in-2-1.co.uk

Marriage, from planning your wedding, to enriching and enhancing your couple relationship & support through
marital problems. The site is arranged like a small town dedicated to marriage - so whatever your interest or
need just wander right on in to the location covering your interest and take a browse.

 

www.marriage.about.com

Enrich your marriage and develop skills to make it last. Look into marriage encounter workshops, and
explore family issues.

 

www.marriagebuilders.com

In this Marriage Builders site, Dr. Willard F. Harley introduces ways to overcome marital conflicts and some
ways to restore love. The site offers thoughts, books, discussion forums and articles relating to marriage.

 

www.gettingmarried.ie

Easily accessible, covering all aspects of planning your wedding in a Catholic church including links giving
step-by-step guide to preparing “The Ceremony” in choosing readings, & vows.

 

Effective Budget Planning

q       A lot of arguments in marriage are about money

q       An effective way of dealing with financial issues is to draw up a budget.

BUDGETING STEPS

  1. Decide on your values and goals together – this comes first and is vital.
  2. Work on one year.
  3. Work out what your income will be for the year.
  4. Find out how you are spending your money at present. This gives you some starting figures.
  5. Estimate your fixed expenses for the year and put aside the appropriate amount each month.
    Eg. Rates, insurance, car registration etc.
  6. Estimate what irregular lump sum expenses you will have for the year, divide the total by 12, and
    save that amount each month. Eg. Holiday, new baby, doctor, hospital, paint the house etc.
  7. Estimate your weekly operating expenses. Each family member should receive what he/she needs for
    the necessities and extras. Eg. Food, rent, clothes, transport, entertainment etc.
  8. If the first estimate does not work, adjust until you find a satisfactory plan. This often requires several
    attempts.
  9. When things happen which affect your budget – redo it! Eg pregnancy, redundancy etc.
  10. It is an excellent idea to make a will when you get married. It is a commonsense way of showing
    concern for those you love.

BUDGETING ADVICE

For budgeting advice contact the New Zealand Federation of Family Budgeting Services (NZFFBS). Look
under “Budget Advice Service” in the White Pages of the telephone book, or contact Citizens Advice Bureau
and they will put you in touch with your nearest NZFFBS office.

Your local Citizens Advice Bureau offers free, independent information and advice on general financial
matters, including your rights as a consumer. Call 0800 FOR CAB  (0800 367 222) or contact your local CAB


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